“Looking Back Now, It All Looks Black and White” - Dani Shapiro and Her Husband Michael Maren on the DNA Clarity and Support Podcast

Jun 7

“I was no stranger to shock and grief...[but] this was something altogether different. The quality of it was different...It was trauma at the level of identity.”

— Dani Shapiro

A watershed moment in the life of Dani Shapiro--the discovery that she was donor-conceived--was triggered by an innocent adventure into consumer DNA testing. As a memoirist and novelist, Dani had spent her career putting her life experiences into words to guide the way for others. Her NPE ('not parent expected') discovery was no exception. Dani published her NPE memoir Inheritance in 2019, and it's the book she says she was born to write.

Different types of NPE experiences include late-discovery adoptions, the revelation of an extra-marital affair, and more. When the discovery is made during life, and how it is made, can have long-term impacts on feelings around self-identity. In this episode of DNA Clarity and Support, Dani answers questions like, "How much of your experience was in your head? How much was a physiological or physical reaction?" Her husband Michael Maren joins in the conversation with host Brianne for a little while to tell about Dani's NPE discovery from the perspective of spouse, search assistant, and main support person.

Dani talks about the therapy she sought out.

Talk therapy (not so helpful)
Writing and journaling (therapeutic)
Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing therapy, EMDR (helpful to her)

“I was no stranger to shock and grief...[but] this was something altogether different. The quality of it was different...It was trauma at the level of identity.” -Dani

Listen now

Even if you've already read Inheritance, listened to Dani speak in person or on other podcasts, you will learn something new and take away a deeper understanding of the impact of "innocent" DNA testing on the lives of unsuspecting people.

buy inheritance on amazon

Genetic counselors, IVF counselors, and others who work in the world of infertility and assisted reproductive technology--make sure to stick around and listen through to the end. You are the professionals involved when families are making decisions today that will result in NPE discoveries like Dani's in the future. Brianne has some thoughts for you and encourages you to be at the forefront of changes in the world of donor conception.

The era of family secrets has come to an end, and it's time to stop and listen and learn and discuss how we as a society move into the next era with compassion and understanding and a unified goal of healing and support. Thanks to Dani for shining a light and leading the way for many who follow in her footsteps.

Resources mentioned in this episode: