I have worked with biological fathers on the other side of discovery, and some are struggling to balance it all and know what is the “right” thing to do. The best outcomes happen when communication is slow and paced (think snail mail pace and not Facebook chats and text messaging). Decisions to meet up need to be based on all-around readiness, not geographical convenience or other pressure.

Today’s guest, Arnold (shared with permission), reflects on the past six years since he first learned he had a biological daughter he never knew existed. His story is one of vulnerability and openness, of loss and healing, and finding courage to reveal a surprise child discovery after years of choosing not to share.

This episode covers:

• Arnold’s experience of preparing to share about his biological child discovery, first with his wife and later his children

• Arnold (and his late wife’s) decision to meet his biological daughter in person and develop a relationship with her privately

• Finding community with other bio dads and from online support groups

• How coaching with Brianne set him up for success in sharing the surprise news

Podcast Ep 5: With the increasing popularity of at-home consumer DNA testing through companies like Ancestry.com and 23andMe, more and more men are finding previously unknown offspring. For a man with a wife and family, this discovery presents unique challenges, particularly if that newfound "child" is a grown woman.

Today’s guest blogger shares the emotional journey he experienced learning at age 68 that he had a daughter of whom he was previously unaware. He is nearing the first anniversary of getting the DNA confirmation of his paternity and is looking forward to a visit with his daughter and her family over Thanksgiving. It will be the fourth time he and his daughter will have a chance to meet up in person. 

Many “reunions” between biological relatives that have taken place after a DNA test discovery have led to disappointment on one, many, or all sides. Contact is refused. Contact goes great and then one party begins ghosting the other. Communications end, on a sour note or unexpectedly. Why is this?

Every family is different. DNA discoveries change who we know and how we related and with whom we spend our time talking and being together. What happens when two people who conceived a child as teens reconnect later in life and decide to marry?

Laura’s story gives us insight into the impact that a sudden discovery of an adult biological child has on a marriage.

Do you call them biological fathers? Birth dads? Found fathers, discovered dads, sires, or “men who fathered a child they were not aware of”?